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Relationship Articles Page 2
Evolution Of Emotion
Love Vs. Obsession
Finding Love and Happiness
Relationship Addiction

Evolution of Emotion

The Evolution of Emotion: What it is and how it can be one of your best tools in achieving success in relationships.

Human emotion, in terms of the Personal Prophesy philosophy, is a very complex subject. Emotions, after all, come in all shapes and varieties: There are those that we find ourselves experiencing right now as we live in "the moment," those we have experienced for quite some time, and those we are only just beginning to feel as we move toward the future.

Most people don't realize there is an "evolution" attached to the emotions they feel. They aren't aware that what they feel today isn't necessarily how they will feel tomorrow or in the many tomorrows yet to come. People tend to want to live and express their emotions in a steady, unchangeable world. This just isn't possible when you consider that our lives are, and always will be, in a constant state of flux.

I often suggest to those I conduct intuitive readings for to try to imagine themselves standing in a wind tunnel in terms of the lives they are living. I ask them to envision the future as the wind blustering toward them, and the past is the wind wafting behind them. When you are able to view your life in this fashion, you realize that the "you" standing in this wind tunnel experiencing the inconstancy of the present, is significantly influenced by the change the "winds" of the future brings your way nearly every minute.

Our emotions are the same -- compelled by the past to thrive, and yet they are driven by the future to change. It's how we deal with them in the present that makes all the difference in the world. Emotions, whether you are aware of it or not, are always in a state of change. They are either becoming stronger, or they are disintegrating, becoming entirely different emotions as we live our lives.

Consider, for example, two people who have enjoyed what they always perceived to be a happy, loving, and committed relationship for a substantial amount of time. Suddenly, in the midst of all that happiness, they find themselves reaching a critical point of conflict. Regardless of the circumstances involved (yes, even including infidelity or another serious breach of faith), this couple breaks up.

He goes his way, and she goes hers. She's hurt and he's angry -- or vice versa. It really doesn't matter in terms of Personal Prophesy. All that matters is that they have suddenly chosen to take separate paths toward the future, but their emotions will quite naturally undergo change in the process as well. With the passage of time, he will undoubtedly find himself becoming less angry. He will either choose to spend this time apart on his own, or he will become involved with a new partner. As his emotions "evolve," however, he will find himself thinking about and, inevitably, missing at some point in time that woman he loved and angrily left.

She may feel hurt and dwell on her pain for quite some time. She may even run from partner to partner, attempting to escape the pain she feels. But, in time, her own emotions will "evolve" to the point where she realizes she didn't want a new partner for herself in the end at all. Time -- and the experience of being apart -- eventually holds the power to bring this man and woman back together. A whole new level of understanding has occurred where their emotions are concerned. Their emotions evolved to the point where they were ready to embark on a positive, new beginning, together.

When we first experience an emotion like love, it is an emotion still very much in its infancy. We are awed and overwhelmed by the experience. It is a beautiful, new feeling in our lives. We tend to view life as if we were looking through newborn eyes, and, as a result, we are caught up reveling in the splendor of the moment.

Then we begin to gravitate toward commitment. We feel so captivated, so sure this is the partner we want for the future, that we idealistically consume our time making plans and sharing the dreams, hopes, and wishes that seem to harmonize quite naturally with those of our beloved.

But once we become settled and feel secure in that commitment, reality begins to set in. We find ourselves having disagreements, engaging in arguments, and perhaps evaluating the worth of the relationship in general as a result of those disputes. Emotion is obviously evolving within the context of that relationship.

Those in tune with their emotions will have a relatively easy time adjusting to the evolution their emotions undertake. They have gained the wisdom and enough foresight to know that relationships don't exist in a vacuum and that change is an essential part of life. They will put forth great effort to keep a relationship thriving, even in the midst of change.

Those who aren't in tune with their emotions might shield themselves with the comfort of denial: "I'll just pretend these problems aren't happening and they will go away." Otherwise, they may run from the relationship entirely, and the evolution of their emotions will inevitably make them realize that while they can run, they will never be able to hide from the truth their own hearts speak to them.

As you engage in loving relationships, the best piece of advice I can offer you is to always be prepared for change. It will occur, whether you are consciously ready for it or not. Your relationships are evolving even as you are reading these words, and that sense of "evolution" can be your best friend or your worst foe, depending on how adaptable you are in terms of your relationships.

If you have a partner who you believe truly loves you -- allow that partner enough space in which to grow and change emotionally. Realize that today is not yesterday in terms of your relationship, and that you are both striving in your own way toward a satisfying love-filled tomorrow.

If you are enduring the aftermath of a painful break-up or coping with one about to occur, remember: What that partner leaving you feels today won't be the same emotions he or she feels in the days yet to come. Try your best to let this partner go with the knowledge that you love him or her and only want the best for this person in the end. By doing so, you leave an important door open. This individual may walk through this door once his or her emotions have evolved to the point where it is realized how much you mean and how much this person yearns to share the future with you.
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Love Vs. Obsession

Love vs. Obsession ... Are you possibly "Loving too much?"

In the 15 years that I have now spent intuitively perceiving the future from a deck of ordinary playing cards, I perceive in the cards that a substantial number of the romantic relationships are those in which an individual is either desperately trying to get someone to love them or they are desperately attempting to keep the love of a partner by focusing all of their attention on them. In both cases, what I am essentially perceiving is "obsession." Neither of these, realistically speaking, has a thing to do with genuine love.

When we obsess over our emotions, we are, intuitively speaking, expressing ourselves on an extremely selfish level. We aren't "loving" those we have feelings for because we want them to be happy, even if it means they choose to live those lives without us. The kind of "loving" we're focused on expressing is basically designed to make us happy by doing everything we possibly can to get these individuals to share their lives exclusively with us. And we will often go to some extraordinary lengths in order to try to make that happen.

We romantically chase, pursue -- at times, even physically stalk -- those we profess to "love." When we engage in relationships with new partners, we tend to be so possessive in our manner of "loving" that they inevitably run for the door to escape what they perceive to be an extremely oppressive and, essentially, unloving atmosphere.

When they leave us, we continue to chase them and may even harass them with phone calls and letters. We appear at their doors at all hours of the day and night. We confront their new partners in jealous rages, intent on venting our emotions while making their lives miserable in the process. We may attempt to ruin their careers, their reputations and the families of the objects of our affections. We might go so far as entertaining fantasies of killing the one we profess to love in order to prevent him or her from sharing a life with someone else.

This is not loving. On the intuitive level, this is emotional obsession in its most negative and destructive form, and it is so far removed from genuine love that we might as well call it outright hatred.

When we genuinely give love to others, we selflessly put their happiness ahead of our own. We feel their pains, their sorrows -- and we respect their right to freedom, if they should choose to exercise that right. We extend ourselves beyond our own wants and needs to encourage our partners to enjoy rich, full lives for themselves -- risking the possibility that we won't be active participants in their lives in the future. We want these individuals to be "truly happy" as they live their lives -- with or without us -- because we are capable of truly loving them just that much.

Falling in love, however, is an entirely different story. When we "fall in love," we are experiencing the magnetism of sexual attraction at its most powerful level -- we literally feel the urge to mate and be coupled with that individual. This magnetism is an initial stage of loving, but it is far from being its final and most meaningful one. Falling in love only draws us toward an individual with whom we may develop a relationship in the future, but the future depth and substance of that relationship won't have a thing to do with sexual attraction experienced in the here and now.

Consider that when we fall in love we feel entranced, dazzled, and downright captivated with that individual who attracts us so intensely. We feel drawn, consciously or not, to selfishly gratify a deep, inner longing for physical unity with another who characterizes an ideal mating partner for us at that particular time. There's no denying our basic nature to be sexual beings, no matter how technologically advanced civilization may have become. Human beings are drawn to one another essentially to mate, propagate, and, in general, proliferate the species. It's basic human nature, after all.

Loving, on the other hand, is an entirely unselfish act in emotionally extending ourselves beyond our wants and needs. Through loving we recognize that a loved one is a wholly separate person who is traveling his or her own individual path in life without our needing or requiring them to be there for us at any given moment.

When we say, "I can't live without this person in my life," we aren't expressing love but instead, extreme dependency on another individual. We are obsessed and parasitic in the way we feel about that individual. We have focused the essence of our lives on the lives of our partners and are basically feeding off them as they pursue their own happiness in life.

We virtually have no identity for ourselves when we live this way. We are so focused on that partner and what he or she does in an attempt to be happy that we have no idea what it means to make ourselves happy. We are, plainly speaking, living our lives through the lives of others, which is a very unhealthy way to live. Genuine love will never grow from such an unhealthy way of life -- only greater dependency and deeper unhappiness is fostered in the end.

If you worry that you might be obsessing rather than truly loving your partner, ask yourself these questions:

* Are you afraid to allow the one you love the space and freedom in which to pursue his or her own goals and dreams to grow and develop as a wholly separate individual?

* Do you respect the privacy of the one you love, or do you feel so insecure about the relationship you share that you feel driven to be a participant in every facet of their lives?

* Are you overly-suspicious of your partner's relationships with others -- family members, coworkers, and friends -- and scheme to destroy these relationships so he or she will ultimately "belong" only to you?

* Does the thought of your partner leaving you fill you with such terror that you think, "I can't ever let that happen"?

I urge those who are yearning to better understand the difference between genuine love and obsession to pick up a copy of "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck, MD. This book directly parallels the teachings of Personal Prophesy in terms of what constitutes truly healthy, loving relationships.
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Finding Love and Happiness

Finding Love and Happiness Within the Framework of Your Own Life

Personal Prophesy centers on choice and change as powerful instruments to help us achieve a greater sense of happiness and stronger loving relationships within the framework of our own lives.

Many of you might be wondering, "What in the world is the 'framework of my own life'?"

In terms of Personal Prophesy philosophy, the framework of your life is its own sum total at any given moment. It is very much like your very own personal stage where your life is taking place in the present as if it were a play -- often with, and other times without -- your own conscious participation.

Sometimes you are on that stage, actively interacting with the others who are on it, causing the scenes to change. Sometimes you are sitting in the audience as a passive observer, merely watching the drama on that stage as it develops and unfolds, with no control over it. Whichever role you play where your own personal "stage" is concerned is, intuitively speaking, essentially up to you more often than you might imagine.

Consider that you can choose to be an active participant in your life by exercising choice in order to bring about productive change, by being in command of your choices and while doing so, effectively directing the majority of the action that occurs on that stage.

Or you can choose to be a passive observer in terms of your life by sitting in the audience and allowing yourself to be basically at the mercy of the choices those in your life are making -- choices that you can only react to -- inevitably affecting the outcome of the production (your life) taking place on that stage as you are experiencing it.

Consider the shape and substance of your own life right now. How many of you so often sigh, "I wish I had a better job," but fail to make the choice to aggressively seek one out? You allow yourselves instead to sit and suffer a dissatisfying career while waiting for your superiors to decide to give you a better job or, in some instances, fire you. You are just essentially waiting for change to propel you toward a new future for yourself.

How many of you wail, "I wish I had a better marriage?" and simply allow your marriages to wither and die over the course of time. This is because you fail to choose to do what you can to make those marriages better as you sit mired in your own complacency. When those marriages end, you let change once again haphazardly point you toward the future.

How many say, "I can't find the right partner to share a meaningful relationship with," and then you continue to engage in a series of ill-fated relationships with all the wrong partners. This occurs because you are so fearful of actually taking a stand where your heart is concerned by choosing to be alone and waiting for a genuinely compatible partner to enter your life. Instead, you put yourself at the mercy of incompatible partners and suffer when these partners leave you -- again, allowing change to completely dominate your emotional life.

But as Personal Prophesy teaches us, our lives don't have to be that way. Once we choose not to take a passive role where our lives are concerned and we choose instead to put ourselves in command of it -- not so much "reacting" as we are "acting" on our own needs and desires -- we literally make the choice to achieve a happier, more satisfying future for ourselves.

Now, of course, just choosing to find better jobs, to make our marriages better, or to seek only compatible partners for ourselves won't suddenly "make" these things happen. But they do have a far better chance for becoming reality within the framework of our lives once we've consciously made the choice to shift our life paths away from the dissatisfaction and fear we feel in the present toward powerful, productive change -- change which, in essence, only makes us that much more receptive to experiencing genuine happiness and fulfillment for ourselves in the future.

Intuitively speaking, that shift becomes an extremely dynamic one once we exercise choice in order to bring about change. We become much more open to opportunity as a result. We have a clearer perception of "who" we are and "what" we want for ourselves in terms of the future, choosing not to accept anything less. We aren't afraid to risk change because we know that by choosing change, we actually put ourselves in command of it.

Choice and change become constructive instruments when you are able to see them for what they are: tools with the capability of guiding you toward a happier, more productive, much more fulfilling future to ultimately enjoy for yourself. Those who fear change refuse to utilize the power of choice and end up finding that their own lives have been entirely shaped by the choices of others. The framework of their lives is a "stage" they have no control over as they basically sit in the audience and react to what they experience.

The focus of Personal Prophesy is to make you feel much more empowered because you have the tools with which to navigate the future, essentially putting yourself in charge of the action taking place on that "stage." In other words, this is the framework of your life -- a production no one can realistically direct but "you."
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Relationship Addiction

Relationship Addiction.

Many of us are relationship-junkies and may not even be aware of it. All we know is that we desperately feel driven to "have somebody" in our lives in order to experience the security that we are loved at any given moment.

Don't feel bad if you are one of these people. You are desperately searching to feel loved within the context of a romantic relationship while searching for a sense of identity for yourself with someone else after another relationship meets a painful end. There are more of us in the world than you might possibly imagine.

From the years I have spent conducting intuitive card readings for others, I'm convinced that more than half of the human race feels driven to find somebody -- anybody -- who might somehow fill that intense emotional void they feel inside. In readings, these people resemble the prince who went from door to door in the classic Cinderella story to find the foot that would fit the glass slipper. As long as somebody out there can wiggle a foot into that emotional "slipper," relationship junkies are happy.

They travel the nightclub circuit. They scour the personal ads. They relentlessly surf the Internet. These people have but one thought focused in their minds as they conduct their search: to find that "somebody" who will love them and hopefully make them feel complete. This is because they are that lonely and needy in terms of the lives they are living.

I hate to burst your bubble filled with hope and reassurance if you are one of those people. What you must consider, intuitively speaking, is that anyone who leaps from relationship to relationship seeking that "I am loved" feeling is only settling for a "quick fix" in terms of loneliness and neediness. They are essentially only kidding themselves in the end.

Real love isn't something you can go out and shop for, like a new set of china. Love just naturally develops in its own way -- in its own time. But relationship junkies don't feel they have time to wait patiently for the real thing to come along. They are in constant pursuit of a new partner for themselves and at all costs will seek one out -- essentially taking whatever they can get in the way of a new partner. As long as that proverbial foot fits the "slipper" they are carrying, they feel temporarily satisfied -- perhaps even relieved -- not to have to face life alone any longer.

Take a good, hard look at your own past, relationship-wise. Did you honestly allow yourself enough time to resolve relationships in the past and heal yourself before you sought new ones? If you can honestly say you did, and if you honestly took the time to face life alone, dealing with your sorrow and pain before you even though of undertaking a relationship with someone new, chances are very good that you are secure within yourself. You are not a relationship junkie at heart at all.

A relationship junkie can't take the risk of too much time spent alone. Finding that next partner is not only a preoccupation, but an intense personal hobby -- and why? Not having a partner means that people must develop an identity of their own and cope with their own deep sense of loneliness and insecurity. This can be a fate worse than death to the true relationship junkie.

Realistically speaking, relationship junkies have no identity of their own. They essentially live their lives through their partner's. They need a partner desperately. Being alone is such a scary proposition that they will avoid it at all costs, looking for that "relationship fix" anywhere that they can find it.

What inevitably happens? Relationship junkies find themselves racking up multiple marriages and divorces over the course of time, or they engage in so many committed relationships that they can't even define the word "commitment" anymore. Love essentially becomes a revolving door to these people that they are either going "in" or coming "out" of, but as long as they feel they are going back "in" with a new partner in the near future, they feel a sense of security. They have also achieved a sense of personal identity.

Whenever I find myself reading the cards for relationship junkies, the solution to their "in" and "out-ness" where love is concerned is as plain as day. It's defined as "spending time alone." Yes, that big, scary word, *alone.*

Relationship junkies are no different from alcoholics and drug addicts in terms of the cards. They are dependent on relationships to such an extent that they think they cannot survive without them. They will do whatever they have to in order to be in them. They will forsake everything else in order to feed the dependency and urgency they feel for a relationship to define their existence. They feel an extreme sense of desperation when they don't get the "fix" they need.

And yet, when a relationship junkie one day says, "No more unhealthy relationships for me," healing has the opportunity to take shape in their lives as the result of such a courageous move toward the future. By choosing not to seek a new partner merely because he or she is afraid to experience life alone, new emotional and spiritual growth can occur.

As painful as it may be initially, they begin to focus more on themselves and achieve a better sense of understanding what their true needs are in terms of a relationship. They become more selective, because they have had the opportunity to become stronger and more secure in their own identity of themselves. They don't feel as driven to engage in any relationship that happens to "fit the slipper" as they are to sincerely commit themselves to a relationship of genuine depth and substance.

You don't have to be a relationship junkie if you honestly don't want to be. It's simply a matter of making up your mind to live with yourself while learning to love yourself without a partner. This will only empower you and make you a much more genuinely loving partner in terms of future relationships, in the end. When you are ready to stop reaching for that quick "fix," here are some tips to help guide you toward recovery from relationship addiction:

* Look yourself straight in the eye in the mirror and make the commitment to yourself: "I'm not going to date anyone for at least the next six months." Then force yourself to live up to that commitment, at all costs.

* Face your own worst enemy: It is the fear of being alone. But you must actually spend time alone. If you feel like crying your heart out every night for the first three nights, go ahead and cry. Pace the floors. Converse out loud with yourself. Call a good friend and wallow in self-pity. Grieve, get angry, pray -- but no matter what, hang tough on that commitment.

* Remember that, intuitively speaking, you are breaking a chain in your life that has always compelled you to seek a new relationship in order to feel "safe." Breaking emotional chains is never easy, but by facing the fear of being alone, you allow your own inner strength to grow, putting you on the path toward ultimately conquering that fear, forever.
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